If The Shoe Fits

Suz, 10AA

I'm Going to Say Something Naughty


Shoegasm.

There. I said it. Shoegasm. Shoegasm. Shoegasm. My breathing is getting heavy just thinking about it. Who needs Anais Nin when you have shoes?

Come on. Be honest. You've had a shoegasm at least once in your life. You know what it is. When you walk by a store window, and there, prominently displayed, is The Shoe. You stop dead in your tracks. The person walking behind you crashes into you. They curse you. You don't hear it. You are mesmerized by The Shoe.

You gaze at it in awe for several minutes. You imagine it on your foot. You imagine how lovely your foot is going to look in it. You imagine the envious stares of all who see you striding down the street in The Shoe. You feel a little tingle of joy. You do some quick math in your head.

You enter the store, and ask to try on The Shoe. The salesperson brings it out. They unwrap the tissue paper cushioning it. They remove The Shoe from the box and show it to you. Meanwhile, you have prepared your foot to receive The Shoe. Old shoes off, you stretch your toes, roll your ankles, and allow the salesperson to place The Shoe on your foot. You extend your leg to look at how beautifully The Shoe enhances the line of your leg. You allow the salesperson to place The Shoe's mate on your other foot. You stand, and do the walk. Over and over. Staring at your feet in those mirrors on the floor.

The Shoe must be yours. You must have it. You gently remove them and wrap them safely back in the tissue paper. The salesperson brings them up to the register. You put on your old shoes again. You sit for a moment, breathing deeply. Then, you go to the register, whip out the plastic, and make those babies yours.

You walk out of the store with The Shoe safely wrapped and contained in its shopping bag. The day seems brighter. The world friendlier. You are satisfied.

Today's shoe:

Manolo Blahnik 'Grommet' Pump